Field guides or reference books?

Happy Dance

At the beginning of the year, I wrote half a blog entry about each month of 2011, and what it was like and what I did, but I never posted it. I'm not sure why, I just never saw the need to. The jist of it though, of the post and of 2011, is that some of the people I was friend with at the beginning of 2011 are still with me (Whitney, Alyssa, Joel, Les, and Anna--who  doesn't have much of a choice) and others are not. The most surprising thing though is at the beginning of 2011, Stormy and Chelsey were just two girls that sat in the back of my herp lab by the only other person I knew. And now they are two of my best friends.

But that's enough of 2011, its twenty-twelve now. Its once again the future.  It is also the year I graduate in. Yes, the calendar I currently own has December 16th on it, the day I (once again) get all fancied up and walk around Fant-Ewing and get a piece of paper with a signature on it. This piece of paper will mean that I didn't give up and that I got what I have been waiting for my biology degree.

But what will this degree really mean? My grades may not get me into graduate school, if I chose to apply. I may not get to go to some far off land and study some unusual lizard.  I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't want to work in a zoological field.  Wildlife biology something I have ALWAYS wanted. But is it realistic? Maybe if the economy was different or if my grades were different or if the system was different.  But I am not going to blame the government, ULM, or any one else. There is a good chance that even though working with animals or working to educate people about animals is something I've wanted to do with every atom of my being, that I will not be able to do it.

I currently have a great job, that I love. I am not saying that working in the library is perfect, but it is very fulfilling. I love it when someone tells me that the book I suggested was fantastic, or when some tells me that the history project idea I found books for got their child their first A in history. Today, I had a lady tell me that she would always be grateful for something I did for her back in the summer--to be honest I had forgotten I'd helped her out back then.

I love my job, and I love encourage people to read, but I don't know if that is what I am meant to do. I don't know if library will be obsolete in a couple years. What if when I turn forty I'll look back and regret giving up waders and field guide for pencil skirts and reference books. I know it is normal at 21 to not know what you want to do with you life, but I always thought I was immuned to this feeling, because I always knew what I wanted to do.


“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”  --Stephen Chbosky